Why is self love so hard, even when you’re doing all the right things?

 Have you ever looked back at your life and wished some moments never happened? Maybe it was heartbreak, failure, rejection, or loss. It’s natural to want to forget the painful chapters. But what if I told you that in order to truly love yourself, you have to stop hating the story that shaped you?

It sounds uncomfortable, maybe even unfair. Why should we embrace pain? The truth is, self-love isn’t just about feeling good in your skin or saying affirmations in the mirror. It's about knowing who you are, scars and all, and choosing to value yourself anyway. That means making peace with your past not because it was perfect, but because it helped form the person you are today.

The Myth of “Moving On”

We’re often told to “move on” from hard times. That phrase can make us feel like we need to shove everything painful into a dark closet and never look at it again. But the pain doesn’t disappear, it sits quietly inside us, shaping how we see ourselves, how we trust others, and how we move through life.

Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning. It means looking at the hard times and asking, What did I gain? What did I learn? How did this help me grow even if I wish it didn’t have to happen?

You Are Not Just the Good Parts

We all love to celebrate the good things about ourselves our achievements, talents, kindness, and confidence. But here’s the thing: those strengths didn’t appear out of nowhere. Most of them were sharpened through struggle. You may be more empathetic because you’ve been misunderstood. You might be stronger because you’ve had to survive something hard. You may love deeper because you’ve felt deep loss.

You are not just your best moments. You are the whole journey. And when you hate parts of your past, you’re indirectly saying that parts of you are not lovable. But all of you is worthy. Even the version of you that made mistakes or struggled to cope.

Healing Starts with Compassion

Imagine talking to your younger self the one who went through that painful experience. Would you blame them? Or would you hold them and say, “You did the best you could. I’m proud of you for getting through it”?

That’s the kind of compassion you deserve from yourself today. Start small. When painful memories come up, instead of pushing them away, try saying, That was hard. And I survived it. I’m still here, growing.

Over time, this practice turns self-judgment into self respect.

Rewriting the Narrative

One powerful way to make peace with your past is to rewrite the story you tell yourself about it. Instead of saying, “I failed,” you could say, “I tried something brave, and it didn’t go the way I hoped, but I learned something important.” Instead of saying, “That relationship ruined me,” you might say, “That relationship taught me what I deserve and helped me set better boundaries.”

You’re not changing the facts—you’re changing the meaning. And that’s the key. You’re allowed to tell your story in a way that honors your strength, not just your suffering.

It’s Not About Justifying Pain

Let’s be clear: accepting your past isn’t about saying what happened was okay. Some experiences were unjust, harmful, or traumatic. You don’t have to pretend they were good. But you can say, “Even though that hurt me, I won’t let it define me in a way that keeps me stuck. I can carry the pain and still move forward.”

Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. It means acknowledgment. And acknowledgment is the doorway to freedom.

Loving the Whole Picture

Self love is more than a warm feeling it’s an active choice. It’s choosing to see yourself fully, to accept your imperfections, and to value your growth. And to do that, you can’t hate the experience that shaped you. You don’t have to love what happened, but you can learn to love the person it helped you become.

When you stop running from your story and start standing in it with honesty and kindness, something powerful happens. You begin to heal. You begin to feel whole. And that’s when real love the kind that lasts can grow.

So, take a deep breath. Look back with compassion. And take one more step forward with love.

June 06, 2025 Tags : self love

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